Retrospective

Long time no see (understatement). The year is almost over and I came across my past blog entries (last one in March, shame). It's was wonderful to read them, each was a milestone moment for me. As my natural hair journey continues, I realized that I had an incredible journey and was joined by some amazing people along the way. Some of my friends tried being natural, some stuck with it others got scared being so natural, couldn't handle it. But you know who surprised me the most, my 2 girls, Remy and Nia. Talk about inspirational. As young black girls, this, if any other time in history, is the best time to accentuate self-hate, cover and bury as much of yourself as possible. I will definitely explain... the weave movement is fiercer than ever before, plastic surgery is booming for people of color, there is no shame in being bone thin, and be proud to be sexually promiscuous! Yea. Youngsters can't even spell the word: morals. My girls would tell me their struggles being natural in this fake world we live in now, how the kids would call them "nappy happy" or my "Tasmanian black princess" or some other colorful names. At first, I did detect a hint of "maybe just a little creamy crack, just to blend in." But after much conversation, oxygen hit the brain cells along with a healthy dose of "mamalove", and they continue to rock on fire twist outs and twas. I love looking at them, they look like no one else, unique and special, just the way Jehovah made them for me. They now believe they are a beautiful package, not just wrapping.
This is why it is not good to wait too long to post to your blog, you get brain diarrhea, but I will put a cap on it for now. Promise not to take so long in the future. Next time I'll let you know what products I'm using, and how my health is.
Ciao, hasta pronto!

Thoughts

The process of going natural has made me become a researcher. I have tried to uncover as much about going natural as possible. I fell into youtube, quite by accident. I was researching ecostyler gel and the google search brought up a youtube link. I ended up watching hundreds of videos (maybe only a few, it just felt like hundreds). I got some good info, but I realized that I have to be careful about where and from whom I get my information. There are some good videos and information out there but a lot of people (unknowingly) give wrong info. I realized that many people are going natural but continue to have distorted views of natural hair. I was disturbed that one person on youtube made a video, approximately 6 minutes long about how she loved her natural curls and was contemplating getting her hair hotcombed just to have straight hair for a while. Her natural hair was beautiful and I don't have a problem with her or anyone having straight hair. She was very pretty as well, by the way. She made a part 2 video with straight hair and how she changed her mind and straightened her hair and her two hair idols were women who had straight hair! I am not saying that you have to be only one way or the other but shouldn't you admire and encourage what you are aiming for?! But for the few that just talk for 2 minutes at the beginning of their vids, there are plenty more who are willing to go indepth with their tutorials and offer valuable help. No matter what you do in life, you have wanna be's and doin' it's. I would rather hang with the doin' it's. Love.

Hindsight...

Thinking back to when I first had to BC, I remember how much I hated my hair, how damaged and harsh it looked, let alone recovering from a near fatal illness. I wasn't prepared for how I would look and what made it worse was the damage state of my hair because of my deteriorated health. As both my health and hair slowly recover, I am (as I've written before) falling in love with my hair. I appreciate, now, taking time to learn how to care for my hair, listening and feeling for changes: too oily, too dry, too crunchy, knowing when to co-wash or deep condition, feeling comfortable with not doing anything at all to my hair. The list is endless. I have a new appreciations for myself and how "wonderfully made" we are by Jehovah. I appreciate taking care of what I have been given, both from within and otherwise. Love.

Lovin' my hair

I am finally growing into my hair. Short, sweet, and petite (my hair I mean). It's thick and lush and moisturized and hennaed and 100% naturally mine. My hair is growing like weeds, I've always read that doing less to your hair will make it grow. This past week-end, I hennaed and then indigoed my hair. Too cute. I almost get misty eyed when I think that sooner or later my hair will get longer and longer and no more will I be able to rock the short and sweet, but as usual I put the cart before the horse. Right now, let me just enjoy each stage as it comes.

PS...I am getting complimented on my hair left and right now. I just started to use aloe vera gel and it defined my curls better than a webster's dictionary and the word: "triskaidekaphobia". My routine is: Deep condition weekly, co-wash every two or three days, apply some leave-in conditioner, top with aloe vera gel, seal with shea butter (unrefined, but scented). You know what I haven't started since beginning this journey...a photo album of hair changes!!!! How weird is that. Tomorrow, I will take the first pics, promise. Love, peace, and aloe vera gel. Nite Y'all!

Ugg...

In this horrible economy, am I wrong to want to leave a full-time position with benefits for a part-time position with none? On the surface, yes, but once you dig deeper, you see that there is a pretty good debatable point. When I came out of the hospital at the end of January, I received a letter from my insurance company that my insurance wouldn't be accepted or considered "in-network" at the hospital I was just discharged from!!! The major life altering hospitalization and its records were at a hospital I was not able to go to unless I wanted to pay out of pocket and that wasn't about to happen. Also, I was in a sticky situation, my daughter was just discharged from hospital on Tuesday, I was hospitalized in that same week, Saturday! What time am I using from my employer? I am in a precarious position in terms of my health, how stable or should I say unpredictable is it? My daughter's health, what if or when she gets sick requiring a hospitalization again. I enjoyed what I did, but I don't think, no I know I'm not able to deal with the high demand stress that job had to offer. The times that I was out of work, sometimes, I enjoyed being out of work home with my children, taking them to school and picking them up, taking care of errands during the day, seeing other stay at home moms and not thinking that I was one of them. This time, I want to work, but I know I don't have the stamina for a full time job, at least not at this point in my life. I am not fearful about getting sick again, it's just that my life and my kids' lives are more important. This is not fanciful thinking. I know that too much is at stake. If I kicked the bucket, I would be replaced at work, it's just a cubicle that belongs to the company.
What does any of this have to do with natural hair care, you may ask?... I'm sure I'm not the only natural lady in this situation. It's something everyone can relate to.
Peace.

It's about that time...

Hi folks, it's about that time again. Looking at myself in the mirror, I have lost a lot of weight. Not really, it's that my skin (blame it on my DNA) is very saggy and since coming home from the hospital, I've lost a lot of muscle tone. Time to pull it back together. I want to tone up, but I don't and can't afford to go to the gym and it's time consuming. I want to do something in the convenience of my home. I bought some exercise bands that are like rubber bands. I think I will revisit them and see what happens. I like my shape but it needs freshening up. Otherwise, with my hair...went to Kingdom Hall yesterday after a long time. I was so happy to see everyone. They loved my hair. I almost wore a hat to cover it up. Not that I am ashamed of my new 'fro, it's just that I wanted to avoid the "questions": "what happened to all of that pretty hair?", etc, etc. It went better than I had anticipated. I feel my hair getting thicker daily and cannot wait until the weather gets better to wear those curly, wet, gelled up styles. My daughter's transition is going good. She wants to cornrow her hair, which I think is a good decision. She is probably tired of wet sets and that would be a good protective style for her. She is not ready to to a BC yet, she is still in school and wants time to adjust and get her game face on before confronting teachers and peers (Also makes sense, that's what I wanted to do).
Talk to you later, Ciao.

Adjusting, slowly but surely

Good Afternoon.
I am finally settling into my TWA. I noticed a few days ago, that I can't seem to stop touching my head. I noticed little coils of hair, especially in the back of my head. Since I can't really see this area, I had to rely on my tactile ability to experience the sensation. I have done several things since last writing to increase my self esteem or self image. Don't panic, I don't have low self image, it was just a freaky weird experience to look in the mirror and not recognize yourself: pale, bags under your eyes, thinner that you last remembered, and washed-out, dried up, almost wanna-be reddish brown, but scared to be,hair. Awful, just awful. I don't think I'm the best looking dame, nor do I aspire to be, but I am not bad looking: nice smooth skin, good height, great shape (front and back thank you very much), nice white teeth (all present and accounted for, with the exception of my wisdoms: 3 out of 4 gone). Last year, I lost 60 lbs in planning for my November trip to Hawaii (looked great in a bikini, killed it last summer). But now, what on earth happened?! WHO RAN ME OVER AND LEFT ME FOR HALF DEAD? I blackened my daughter's hair (Nia) with henna and indigo,of course, she is only 11). I fell in love with the color (side note: when she was born, her hair was jet black, my booby-dooby- mommy talk). I bought two kits, so a week later, I did mine. That was the ticket. The henna helped strengthen (and maybe bring out the curl pattern more) and the indigo brought life back to my skin color and made my eyes pop. Go girl. I've been increasing the co-washes, well not a true co-wash. Just adding some condish to my hair while in the shower to moisturize, then sealing with shea butter. I've also been taking some supplements in addition to my required Folic Acid and iron: Hair, nails and skin formula from GNC, and multi with calcium. I am trying to remember to increase my water intake (noticed some winter itching, have to work on that). Otherwise, full steam ahead, get ready for a healthier more natural MsPaLa.
Love

I'm back!!!

Hi. I have been gone a long time (understatement). I'm sorry for being away so long, but life interrupted my regularly scheduled blog sessions. Since last hearing from me the following have happened: I went to Hawaii (too wonderful for words), my daughter was hospitalized, and then I was hospitalized. My hospitalization was a horrific experience since it literally came on the heels of my daughter's (which was terrifying for me as a mother). This experience changed my life, I almost lost my life. On the 16th of January, I woke up with excruciating pain. This pain was, the only way I could describe it, in the bones under the muscles of my butt (yikes!). It was like an alarm clock waking me up at exactly 6am, which it did. I jumped out of the bed, took Motrin 800mg, and jumped in the shower. I was determined not to let this spoil my day, because I promised my other daughter, Nia, a mother-daughter day, since I had to spend so much time with Remy while she was in the hospital. I didn't want to disappoint her. So, with deep conditioner on my head covered with a crocheted hat, we were off. We went to breakfast, a little shopping, then a movie. All the while, thinking to my self: "I feel horrible. I have firecrackers going off in my body. This is a weird sensation that I have never experienced in my life. All of this, layered on a framework of excruciating pain. Umm, interesting." We make it home, I change into lounge clothes, and get into bed. Five minutes later, I jump out of bed, and whisper to my daughter, "Call 911, I can't take this pain." Tears started to stream down my face, I began whimpering, and crawled down the stairs, because my legs were not moving because of the exquisite pain. I curled up into the fetal position once I made it to the ground floor. My mother cradled my head, my children stood helpless around me. My son, 3 years old, started crying hysterically. I stared at him, forcing him to hear the thoughts in my head: "Mommy will be alright. Don't cry, I love you." The paramedics arrived and took me to the hospital. The nightmare began that night and lasted until I was discharged, 10 days later, 6 of those days spent in ICU. In summary of this experience, I was diagnosed with the following: sickle cell crisis, severe anemia, pneumonia, and bone marrow infarction.
You may wonder what this experience may have to do with my hair transition as frightening as it sounds. Well, up to this point, I was slowly transitioning: deep conditioning weekly, co-washing every 2-3 days, sealing with shea butter, hennaing, you name it, my hair was growing like weeds and the new growth was luxurious to see and feel. I was proud of my hair, especially when people would compliment me on my hair, it gave me a chance to explain how I was transitioning and looked forward to the day when I was all natural. I would fantasize about big chopping my hair, because it was at that point where the two textures were at all out war with each other and guess who was winning? (It sure wasn't the stringy relaxed ends if your having trouble guessing). My hair was never as healthy, strong, vibrant, or glorious. This severe change in my body, suddenly left me with dry, brittle, damaged hair. It had matted up and I was unable to comb or de-tangle it because I was so weak and debilitated. I had to big chop my hair and I am still trying to get used to the new texture of my hair. The lack of iron changed the color and texture of my hair (I asked my doctor). Wow. So now I have a twa, whether I was ready or not for it. So trying not to freak out so much, I started on my hair routine again, while taking my vitamins (I have to take folic acid daily for the rest of my life- great for hair and nails, SWEET!). I have been out of the hospital almost two weeks and decided to revisit my blog hoping to find a release for my pent up emotions. Some days, I vacillate between being thankful to Jehovah for saving my life, other days I cry like there is no tomorrow, from the sheer shock of what I've been through. I want to share to relieve myself of this turbulence inside of me about the experience I've just gone through and I want to believe that by talking to you, I can adjust to my lack of hair and begin this journey of having natural hair. Love you, missed you, thank you for listening.
Paula