Hindsight...

Thinking back to when I first had to BC, I remember how much I hated my hair, how damaged and harsh it looked, let alone recovering from a near fatal illness. I wasn't prepared for how I would look and what made it worse was the damage state of my hair because of my deteriorated health. As both my health and hair slowly recover, I am (as I've written before) falling in love with my hair. I appreciate, now, taking time to learn how to care for my hair, listening and feeling for changes: too oily, too dry, too crunchy, knowing when to co-wash or deep condition, feeling comfortable with not doing anything at all to my hair. The list is endless. I have a new appreciations for myself and how "wonderfully made" we are by Jehovah. I appreciate taking care of what I have been given, both from within and otherwise. Love.

Lovin' my hair

I am finally growing into my hair. Short, sweet, and petite (my hair I mean). It's thick and lush and moisturized and hennaed and 100% naturally mine. My hair is growing like weeds, I've always read that doing less to your hair will make it grow. This past week-end, I hennaed and then indigoed my hair. Too cute. I almost get misty eyed when I think that sooner or later my hair will get longer and longer and no more will I be able to rock the short and sweet, but as usual I put the cart before the horse. Right now, let me just enjoy each stage as it comes.

PS...I am getting complimented on my hair left and right now. I just started to use aloe vera gel and it defined my curls better than a webster's dictionary and the word: "triskaidekaphobia". My routine is: Deep condition weekly, co-wash every two or three days, apply some leave-in conditioner, top with aloe vera gel, seal with shea butter (unrefined, but scented). You know what I haven't started since beginning this journey...a photo album of hair changes!!!! How weird is that. Tomorrow, I will take the first pics, promise. Love, peace, and aloe vera gel. Nite Y'all!

It's about that time...

Hi folks, it's about that time again. Looking at myself in the mirror, I have lost a lot of weight. Not really, it's that my skin (blame it on my DNA) is very saggy and since coming home from the hospital, I've lost a lot of muscle tone. Time to pull it back together. I want to tone up, but I don't and can't afford to go to the gym and it's time consuming. I want to do something in the convenience of my home. I bought some exercise bands that are like rubber bands. I think I will revisit them and see what happens. I like my shape but it needs freshening up. Otherwise, with my hair...went to Kingdom Hall yesterday after a long time. I was so happy to see everyone. They loved my hair. I almost wore a hat to cover it up. Not that I am ashamed of my new 'fro, it's just that I wanted to avoid the "questions": "what happened to all of that pretty hair?", etc, etc. It went better than I had anticipated. I feel my hair getting thicker daily and cannot wait until the weather gets better to wear those curly, wet, gelled up styles. My daughter's transition is going good. She wants to cornrow her hair, which I think is a good decision. She is probably tired of wet sets and that would be a good protective style for her. She is not ready to to a BC yet, she is still in school and wants time to adjust and get her game face on before confronting teachers and peers (Also makes sense, that's what I wanted to do).
Talk to you later, Ciao.

I'm back!!!

Hi. I have been gone a long time (understatement). I'm sorry for being away so long, but life interrupted my regularly scheduled blog sessions. Since last hearing from me the following have happened: I went to Hawaii (too wonderful for words), my daughter was hospitalized, and then I was hospitalized. My hospitalization was a horrific experience since it literally came on the heels of my daughter's (which was terrifying for me as a mother). This experience changed my life, I almost lost my life. On the 16th of January, I woke up with excruciating pain. This pain was, the only way I could describe it, in the bones under the muscles of my butt (yikes!). It was like an alarm clock waking me up at exactly 6am, which it did. I jumped out of the bed, took Motrin 800mg, and jumped in the shower. I was determined not to let this spoil my day, because I promised my other daughter, Nia, a mother-daughter day, since I had to spend so much time with Remy while she was in the hospital. I didn't want to disappoint her. So, with deep conditioner on my head covered with a crocheted hat, we were off. We went to breakfast, a little shopping, then a movie. All the while, thinking to my self: "I feel horrible. I have firecrackers going off in my body. This is a weird sensation that I have never experienced in my life. All of this, layered on a framework of excruciating pain. Umm, interesting." We make it home, I change into lounge clothes, and get into bed. Five minutes later, I jump out of bed, and whisper to my daughter, "Call 911, I can't take this pain." Tears started to stream down my face, I began whimpering, and crawled down the stairs, because my legs were not moving because of the exquisite pain. I curled up into the fetal position once I made it to the ground floor. My mother cradled my head, my children stood helpless around me. My son, 3 years old, started crying hysterically. I stared at him, forcing him to hear the thoughts in my head: "Mommy will be alright. Don't cry, I love you." The paramedics arrived and took me to the hospital. The nightmare began that night and lasted until I was discharged, 10 days later, 6 of those days spent in ICU. In summary of this experience, I was diagnosed with the following: sickle cell crisis, severe anemia, pneumonia, and bone marrow infarction.
You may wonder what this experience may have to do with my hair transition as frightening as it sounds. Well, up to this point, I was slowly transitioning: deep conditioning weekly, co-washing every 2-3 days, sealing with shea butter, hennaing, you name it, my hair was growing like weeds and the new growth was luxurious to see and feel. I was proud of my hair, especially when people would compliment me on my hair, it gave me a chance to explain how I was transitioning and looked forward to the day when I was all natural. I would fantasize about big chopping my hair, because it was at that point where the two textures were at all out war with each other and guess who was winning? (It sure wasn't the stringy relaxed ends if your having trouble guessing). My hair was never as healthy, strong, vibrant, or glorious. This severe change in my body, suddenly left me with dry, brittle, damaged hair. It had matted up and I was unable to comb or de-tangle it because I was so weak and debilitated. I had to big chop my hair and I am still trying to get used to the new texture of my hair. The lack of iron changed the color and texture of my hair (I asked my doctor). Wow. So now I have a twa, whether I was ready or not for it. So trying not to freak out so much, I started on my hair routine again, while taking my vitamins (I have to take folic acid daily for the rest of my life- great for hair and nails, SWEET!). I have been out of the hospital almost two weeks and decided to revisit my blog hoping to find a release for my pent up emotions. Some days, I vacillate between being thankful to Jehovah for saving my life, other days I cry like there is no tomorrow, from the sheer shock of what I've been through. I want to share to relieve myself of this turbulence inside of me about the experience I've just gone through and I want to believe that by talking to you, I can adjust to my lack of hair and begin this journey of having natural hair. Love you, missed you, thank you for listening.
Paula

Bad hair day...NOT!!

November 12, 2009

The title of today's blog may be a little misleading. You may think this story has something to do with not liking my hair, but hopefully I will be able to enlighten you. I am pleased with my hair today after conditioning it last night in the shower. The only problem I had today was that it fell limp. But that's a good thing, I am learning how my hair reacts to the daily elements. Increased humidity, decreased temperatures, drizzle all have an effect on my hair. In the past, I would only take into consideration a humid muggy day and if my hair was out, other than that, never did I stop to put 2 and 2 together. Now, I calculate the time of day I do my hair, the weather conditions,and what products I use. I am slowly losing my fear of "doing my own hair". The real test is when I go on my vacation (whoo-hooo~!!!) to Hawaii. From what I've been reading, that state's climate is very tropical (humid, humid, humid). I will devote an entire suitcase to my conditioners and shea butter if I have to, but I won't be having no "bad hair days", especially in Hawaii. I'll be prepared for anything:) Aloha:}

Research

November 10, 2009

I have been writing about my new found hair awakening for about a week now. I now feel comfortable enough to leave maybe a paragraph, at least, that will adequately and appropriately convey my thoughts and feelings. I didn't realize that I was really taking the time to chronicle my thoughts, plans, and intentions about my hair. I have learned so much in just a few days, more so than in my life about my hair. It's almost humbling, especially being a grown woman with 3 kids, to say: "I don't know jack about my hair. I need and want to learn." I find myself trying to find some new info, whether about a particular conditioner or detangling brush or "sealant" or something everyday. I no longer look at the pretty package or container that reads:"for stronger, more luxurious hair",but I am actually reading the label for its contents. I now reject a product based on standards that I have recently developed in other words, whats good for me and only me. If I am this empowered after 8 days, how much more so will I be after a month, 6 months, or even after 1 year?

First phase of my recovery...

I feel good today, I mean really settled in my mind. It didn't start that way, initially I was restless. I dropped my daughter off at school one minute late (according to her) and didn't want to go right back home. I felt like driving. For me it's the way I think, unfortunately gas prices have cut in to one of my favorite ways of thinks. But this morning, with a quarter tank, I had to go. I recently had an emergency operation to remove my appendix, so while I'm on a leave of absence from my job, I guess it makes sense to be introspective (what else can I do with all this free time). I realized how fragile my life is and that I want to be as real as I can possibly be with myself and others around me. I guess my hair is tied up in that search. I mean, how else can I define myself, since I am constantly doing something: mother, manager, devout Christian. I fulfilled these roles while I was up and about, but now I'm on the injured list, it's hard to stop the wheels in my mind from moving, despite my body's inability. Or maybe I'm just getting older and wiser, not willing to put up with the hypocrisy of a relaxer lifestyle. In any event, I am still excited to re-connect with my real hair and the adventures we will have. Who would have thought that losing an appendix would lead to transitioning to real hair?!

NOVEMBER 2, 2009, TRANSITIONING

I have finally found my hair goal: to go natural. It happened by accident, purely and simply. In search of a hair color to cover my newly found gray hairs, I decided to look at color options for European type hair, because that's what I thought I had to do. I went to Loreal and Clairol web sites to find the answer. In my quest, I stumbled upon the process of “hennae-ing”. This 5+ thousand year old process of using the henna plant to color the hair, naturally, with virtually no harsh chemicals or side effects. Unlike the process of coloring hair with permanent or semi permanent dyes, I tried to absorb as much info as I could find, in effort to get the best results. But, my underlying problem remained: relaxing my hair. I had relaxed my hair from the age of 5 or when my mother got tired of getting a comb through my naturally very thick hair. I am now 37 years old and only have gone natural once, but only because my hair fell out because of the process of dyeing and relaxing my my hair, AT THE SAME TIME! Years later, I now have about ½ inch of new growth and shoulder length hair, which is fairly healthy. The last chemical thing I’ve done to my hair was a relaxer in September and before that, some bleach highlights (surprised that my hair didn’t fall out- I tried to avoid the “bald thing” by doing the process myself at home, waiting two weeks, and then doing the relaxer).

After doing some online research, I realized that the sites I was going to focused on European type hair and not much on African type hair that was fried and dyed and neutralized to some pseudo-European quality that is more work than need be or should be. On a side note, if you have to do so much to your hair to trick yourself and others that your hair is another texture, shouldn’t that have tipped us off that it was something wrong to do? But I guess hindsight is 20/20 vision and I could afford to be self righteous now that I have been forced to analyze myself due to the fact that I am trying to cover up newly found gray hairs (would I have made this analysis if I hadn’t been vainly trying to cover grays- I would like to say yes, but probably not:)

Happily, Jehovah felt sorry for his vain daughter, because I found a very encouraging website: www.curlynikki.com. I can definitely see myself doing this for the rest of my life and also my daughters'. I found transitioning advice for women with my hair texture. I have read several comments thus far dealing with the paring away of deeply sown in feelings about relaxing hair, your self awareness, and surprisingly how others view you, especially after you’ve gone natural. A lot of people (I’m thinking people of color, black people in particular) may encourage you to keep relaxing, while not forking up money to help with maintenance and upkeep of that hair lifestyle, stating: “Oh, why did you decide to change? Or “Are you going to be able to comb your hair?” I was getting tired of all those chemicals seeping into my cerebellum and gray matter and why the heck won’t I be able to comb my hair?! Later for all those ignorant naysayers. Down with lye and ammonia. Power to the hair. Let's begin this journey.