I'm back!!!

Hi. I have been gone a long time (understatement). I'm sorry for being away so long, but life interrupted my regularly scheduled blog sessions. Since last hearing from me the following have happened: I went to Hawaii (too wonderful for words), my daughter was hospitalized, and then I was hospitalized. My hospitalization was a horrific experience since it literally came on the heels of my daughter's (which was terrifying for me as a mother). This experience changed my life, I almost lost my life. On the 16th of January, I woke up with excruciating pain. This pain was, the only way I could describe it, in the bones under the muscles of my butt (yikes!). It was like an alarm clock waking me up at exactly 6am, which it did. I jumped out of the bed, took Motrin 800mg, and jumped in the shower. I was determined not to let this spoil my day, because I promised my other daughter, Nia, a mother-daughter day, since I had to spend so much time with Remy while she was in the hospital. I didn't want to disappoint her. So, with deep conditioner on my head covered with a crocheted hat, we were off. We went to breakfast, a little shopping, then a movie. All the while, thinking to my self: "I feel horrible. I have firecrackers going off in my body. This is a weird sensation that I have never experienced in my life. All of this, layered on a framework of excruciating pain. Umm, interesting." We make it home, I change into lounge clothes, and get into bed. Five minutes later, I jump out of bed, and whisper to my daughter, "Call 911, I can't take this pain." Tears started to stream down my face, I began whimpering, and crawled down the stairs, because my legs were not moving because of the exquisite pain. I curled up into the fetal position once I made it to the ground floor. My mother cradled my head, my children stood helpless around me. My son, 3 years old, started crying hysterically. I stared at him, forcing him to hear the thoughts in my head: "Mommy will be alright. Don't cry, I love you." The paramedics arrived and took me to the hospital. The nightmare began that night and lasted until I was discharged, 10 days later, 6 of those days spent in ICU. In summary of this experience, I was diagnosed with the following: sickle cell crisis, severe anemia, pneumonia, and bone marrow infarction.
You may wonder what this experience may have to do with my hair transition as frightening as it sounds. Well, up to this point, I was slowly transitioning: deep conditioning weekly, co-washing every 2-3 days, sealing with shea butter, hennaing, you name it, my hair was growing like weeds and the new growth was luxurious to see and feel. I was proud of my hair, especially when people would compliment me on my hair, it gave me a chance to explain how I was transitioning and looked forward to the day when I was all natural. I would fantasize about big chopping my hair, because it was at that point where the two textures were at all out war with each other and guess who was winning? (It sure wasn't the stringy relaxed ends if your having trouble guessing). My hair was never as healthy, strong, vibrant, or glorious. This severe change in my body, suddenly left me with dry, brittle, damaged hair. It had matted up and I was unable to comb or de-tangle it because I was so weak and debilitated. I had to big chop my hair and I am still trying to get used to the new texture of my hair. The lack of iron changed the color and texture of my hair (I asked my doctor). Wow. So now I have a twa, whether I was ready or not for it. So trying not to freak out so much, I started on my hair routine again, while taking my vitamins (I have to take folic acid daily for the rest of my life- great for hair and nails, SWEET!). I have been out of the hospital almost two weeks and decided to revisit my blog hoping to find a release for my pent up emotions. Some days, I vacillate between being thankful to Jehovah for saving my life, other days I cry like there is no tomorrow, from the sheer shock of what I've been through. I want to share to relieve myself of this turbulence inside of me about the experience I've just gone through and I want to believe that by talking to you, I can adjust to my lack of hair and begin this journey of having natural hair. Love you, missed you, thank you for listening.
Paula