Bad hair day...NOT!!

November 12, 2009

The title of today's blog may be a little misleading. You may think this story has something to do with not liking my hair, but hopefully I will be able to enlighten you. I am pleased with my hair today after conditioning it last night in the shower. The only problem I had today was that it fell limp. But that's a good thing, I am learning how my hair reacts to the daily elements. Increased humidity, decreased temperatures, drizzle all have an effect on my hair. In the past, I would only take into consideration a humid muggy day and if my hair was out, other than that, never did I stop to put 2 and 2 together. Now, I calculate the time of day I do my hair, the weather conditions,and what products I use. I am slowly losing my fear of "doing my own hair". The real test is when I go on my vacation (whoo-hooo~!!!) to Hawaii. From what I've been reading, that state's climate is very tropical (humid, humid, humid). I will devote an entire suitcase to my conditioners and shea butter if I have to, but I won't be having no "bad hair days", especially in Hawaii. I'll be prepared for anything:) Aloha:}

Research

November 10, 2009

I have been writing about my new found hair awakening for about a week now. I now feel comfortable enough to leave maybe a paragraph, at least, that will adequately and appropriately convey my thoughts and feelings. I didn't realize that I was really taking the time to chronicle my thoughts, plans, and intentions about my hair. I have learned so much in just a few days, more so than in my life about my hair. It's almost humbling, especially being a grown woman with 3 kids, to say: "I don't know jack about my hair. I need and want to learn." I find myself trying to find some new info, whether about a particular conditioner or detangling brush or "sealant" or something everyday. I no longer look at the pretty package or container that reads:"for stronger, more luxurious hair",but I am actually reading the label for its contents. I now reject a product based on standards that I have recently developed in other words, whats good for me and only me. If I am this empowered after 8 days, how much more so will I be after a month, 6 months, or even after 1 year?

Wash and set...

November 9,2009

I washed my hair for the first time since I hennaed last Tuesday. I was almost sad to do it, because I loved my hair so much. I got some Aussie moist condish on sale for 5 bucks (a big fat bottle with a pump-yeah!). So I did a quick wash only on the scalp with a mild soap (only because I wanted to get the funk out, if any). Then I plopped on the condi. I let it sit for a few then combed through. I haven't combed my hair in a week so I wasn't surprised to see the shedding (not much, a week's worth of uncombed hair). The Aussie was pretty good at getting the tangles out at least. I did a quick twist and curl, oiled my scalp and that was it. I want to develope my own routine for daily, weekly, and monthly maintence oh, and also de-tangling and DT. I realize that I don't have to pay someone to "fix" my hair, I'm learning how to fix it myself. How liberating:)

A funny thought...

November 8, 2009

I remembered a glimpse of a conversation that I had recently with my mother. I purposely didn't explain why I had chosen to stop relaxing my hair (I don't think I have to explain why, reader, put two and two together: conversation, mother, personal decision, you do the math). I mentioned I was going to stop relaxing my hair! (Car screeches and crashes in the background, at least in my head when I saw her expression). "Why would you do something like that? How would you manage all that hard hair?!" I told her that her hair was natural(her hair is the texture of a white person's hair,very curly,and she cuts it short for convenience at the barber shop). She had the nerve to say: "My hair is hard, I need to "texturize" it!" Well, well, well if her hair is hard by her standards, mine must be concrete. I don't even want to peel back the layers of this onion. How much self hate is ingrained in our race, at least those that have been transported by slave traders and owned by slave owners? I knew in the back of my mind that I would encounter or touch upon some psych-socio issues related to black hair, but the issue presented itself sooner rather than later, by my mother. Wasn't this person responsible for my self-esteem, good or bad? My mental stability? Have I been doing the same thing to my girls? At least, unconsciously, by sending them to the beauty parlor for stinky relaxers and hot irons, did they internalized this as punishment for "bad hair"? I remember saying to one of the girls: "I can't deal with your hair, that's why I had to get it relaxed." The healing begins with self first. Hopefully, through my example of loving my natural hair, my darling girls will start to increase their self-esteem. I gotta start somewhere. Jehovah, give me strength. Peace.

My daughters' hair

November 7, 2009

Well, as I had mentioned before, I have a tendency to suck my children into the vortex of my excitement. I hennaed everybody's hair, both my girls! The eldest was home sick with a cold on Friday (couldn't run very far), so she was the first to be treated with the brownish poop otherwise called henna. She is the child that is allergic to everything and what she doesn't know she's allergic to, she finds out later. She actually enjoyed the process. I mixed her henna like I did for myself, but I added about 4 tablespoons of honey to her mix before I applied it to her hair. The mixture was smoother in consistency and easier to apply (note to self: add honey before applying). When her sister came home from school later that day, I caught her as well. Her comments about the process, ditto. I then feed everyone, watched a movie with the kids, and called it a day. Today (ta-da), the girls were ready for the big wash (I was pleasantly pleased that all plastic caps and doo rags stayed on the heads and their beds weren't a big muddy mess). Of course I applied a DT, let it sit for 4 hours, washed out applied a light conditioner, and gave them both a wet set allowed to air dry (whose your Mama!) I was moved to tears when I saw the final product: beautiful, shiny, auburn, healthy hair. No flakes, no funk, no junk. This is a sacrifice worth doing at least once a month because I take my kids' hair seriously (at least now I do;). Love.

First phase of my recovery...

I feel good today, I mean really settled in my mind. It didn't start that way, initially I was restless. I dropped my daughter off at school one minute late (according to her) and didn't want to go right back home. I felt like driving. For me it's the way I think, unfortunately gas prices have cut in to one of my favorite ways of thinks. But this morning, with a quarter tank, I had to go. I recently had an emergency operation to remove my appendix, so while I'm on a leave of absence from my job, I guess it makes sense to be introspective (what else can I do with all this free time). I realized how fragile my life is and that I want to be as real as I can possibly be with myself and others around me. I guess my hair is tied up in that search. I mean, how else can I define myself, since I am constantly doing something: mother, manager, devout Christian. I fulfilled these roles while I was up and about, but now I'm on the injured list, it's hard to stop the wheels in my mind from moving, despite my body's inability. Or maybe I'm just getting older and wiser, not willing to put up with the hypocrisy of a relaxer lifestyle. In any event, I am still excited to re-connect with my real hair and the adventures we will have. Who would have thought that losing an appendix would lead to transitioning to real hair?!

After everything's said and done...

November 4, 2009

After the henna, after the deep treatment, after the twist-and-curl, after it's all said and done, the results...Great. I like it, I really, really like it. The color is absolutely wonderful, deep brown almost black, with burgundy-auburn highlights. It warms my skin tone and is perfect for the fall. It's also full and thick! I am almost fooled to believe that it's already all natural. I see how this is going to be a challenging process or journey rather. My hair is definitely transitioning. I already have about an inch of growth. It's (my hair) saying:"Here I am, I don't lay to the side, flat like before. You have to acknowledge my presence." I have to admit, I am a little intimidated. I have dealt with my natural hair before, don't get me wrong, but it was way short. It was wash, curl, gel, and go type of hair. I never dealt with length and natural at the same time. I don't know how my hair will behave (or will it). Maybe I have to behave and appreciate deeper what Jehovah gave me and have been covering up all my life, my hair.

Blogging

November 4, 2009

I am sitting here, at my dining room table, in the quiet before the storm moment of the morning (before my 3 year old wakes up). I washed out the henna. I had terrible pre-morning visions of my hair sliding off my head and what I would do if that happened. I would quietly clean up the mess and purchase a wig and not say another word about henna or anything to anyone. I am happy to report the henna washed out and my hair stayed on my head (yea!). I put my glasses on (blind as a bat) and ran to my bedroom mirror: glorious dark brown, mahogany, auburn deliciousness on my head:) Also surprisingly, not one hair was lost (exaggeration, one hair was lost, serious, no joke). I don't know if it was my new found infatuation with henna and all things natural, but my hair felt different. I can't describe it, but it felt good. I wish I could remember some of those vocabulary words my kids learn at school to describe how comfortable my hair felt (I guess that's why I send them to school everyday and make sure they learn-when they come home I'll pick their brain for new words:). I bought some extra cheap Lekair cholesterol ($2) the green one because it was cholesterol and the color was pretty (something about aloe vera, but I'm not that stupid to think that aloe turned it green, give me some credit). Now I'm writing this down, blogging. Never thought I would do this, chronicle-ing my baby steps transitioning, but I've been encouraged to do so by the founder of www.curlynikki.com. Since I'm a very private person, this is a very big step for me: sharing my hair adventures on the WWW. I am not that courageous to add photos of myself though. I better stop writing before I talk myself out of doing this. Peace.

Henna, henna, hennnnnna!

November 3, 2009

I’m soooo excited. Today, I took my two daughters on an adventure to Jackson Heights, NY to find authentic henna! We were successful after asking a young Indian woman in a jewelry store if she know where we could find the coveted product. Surprisingly, she didn’t know where it was sold?! The gentleman (probably the store owner) suggested we go to the grocery store on the next corner (leave it to a man to know where to find a hair care product). We were on our way. I pleasantly asked the young lady behind the counter, which aisle to find the henna. She mumbled something, not quite sure if it was English or a foreign tongue. I didn’t let her inaudible dribble stop me from feeling pleasant and favored. My girls saw the interaction and asked the lady once more (may Jehovah bless my sweet daughters). My eldest was reading the box when I caught up to her. I found the “Jamila” brand and snatched up 6 boxes (2 for each of us-daughters want to henna too!). At the counter, I decided to send the 2nd daughter for another 2 boxes. Feeling good about myself, we crossed the street and decided to buy some Pakistani food (delicious).

Later that evening, I mixed the henna with some steeped warm green tea infused with cardamom, got a muddy mixture (it really does look like baby poop, especially one that drank spoiled formula), and let it set covered with saran wrap for about 2 hours. My 2nd daughter and I were wondering if I ruined the henna, because I was worried about releasing the dye (just me being impatient). I mixed in 3 tablespoons of lemon juice to activate the mixture (I was going to get dye release whether the poop mixture liked it or not) and declared that I could wait no longer!!! We went upstairs with our supplies and started to get to work. There was a bonding moment for me and my kids as always, because of my enthusiasm I always manage to sweep them into my moment, making it our moment. My Nia (ride-or-die chica) demanded that she apply it to mommy’s head, she wouldn’t take no for an answer. I let her and she did an excellent job. Did I mention that she is only 11 years old. My baby.

Now here I sit (11:45p) with a hennaed head covered in plastic and a doo- rag getting ready for bed, in love with my head, my daughters and the beginning of my “back to natural” journey.



NOVEMBER 2, 2009, TRANSITIONING

I have finally found my hair goal: to go natural. It happened by accident, purely and simply. In search of a hair color to cover my newly found gray hairs, I decided to look at color options for European type hair, because that's what I thought I had to do. I went to Loreal and Clairol web sites to find the answer. In my quest, I stumbled upon the process of “hennae-ing”. This 5+ thousand year old process of using the henna plant to color the hair, naturally, with virtually no harsh chemicals or side effects. Unlike the process of coloring hair with permanent or semi permanent dyes, I tried to absorb as much info as I could find, in effort to get the best results. But, my underlying problem remained: relaxing my hair. I had relaxed my hair from the age of 5 or when my mother got tired of getting a comb through my naturally very thick hair. I am now 37 years old and only have gone natural once, but only because my hair fell out because of the process of dyeing and relaxing my my hair, AT THE SAME TIME! Years later, I now have about ½ inch of new growth and shoulder length hair, which is fairly healthy. The last chemical thing I’ve done to my hair was a relaxer in September and before that, some bleach highlights (surprised that my hair didn’t fall out- I tried to avoid the “bald thing” by doing the process myself at home, waiting two weeks, and then doing the relaxer).

After doing some online research, I realized that the sites I was going to focused on European type hair and not much on African type hair that was fried and dyed and neutralized to some pseudo-European quality that is more work than need be or should be. On a side note, if you have to do so much to your hair to trick yourself and others that your hair is another texture, shouldn’t that have tipped us off that it was something wrong to do? But I guess hindsight is 20/20 vision and I could afford to be self righteous now that I have been forced to analyze myself due to the fact that I am trying to cover up newly found gray hairs (would I have made this analysis if I hadn’t been vainly trying to cover grays- I would like to say yes, but probably not:)

Happily, Jehovah felt sorry for his vain daughter, because I found a very encouraging website: www.curlynikki.com. I can definitely see myself doing this for the rest of my life and also my daughters'. I found transitioning advice for women with my hair texture. I have read several comments thus far dealing with the paring away of deeply sown in feelings about relaxing hair, your self awareness, and surprisingly how others view you, especially after you’ve gone natural. A lot of people (I’m thinking people of color, black people in particular) may encourage you to keep relaxing, while not forking up money to help with maintenance and upkeep of that hair lifestyle, stating: “Oh, why did you decide to change? Or “Are you going to be able to comb your hair?” I was getting tired of all those chemicals seeping into my cerebellum and gray matter and why the heck won’t I be able to comb my hair?! Later for all those ignorant naysayers. Down with lye and ammonia. Power to the hair. Let's begin this journey.